Aliveness is the vibrant, expansive experience of being moved by life.
The word emotion originally comes from the Latin word emovere, to move out. In today's meaning, it mostly means a feeling.
Feelings like happy, sad or excited have names. Being moved goes beyond this. To be touched or stirred by something is to be moved. It's a shift you feel in your body, like release, expansion, warmth, lightness, depth or grounding. It can show up as goosebumps, warmth in the chest or a weight lifted off your shoulders.
Whether this is connecting with loved ones, making a profit from a lottery ticket, or your heart pounding as you fall out of a plane, each one is an emotion moving you.
When we are open and curious to experiences that allow emotions to move us, we can feel moved by life. That is a moment of aliveness.
A life of aliveness is noticing what moves you and choosing more of it, in whatever way you can.
The 3 Part Model
Sometimes in life, we are unexpectedly moved. And other times, we create opportunities to welcome those experiences.
The below model illustrates how aliveness can be reached.
1. Be present
2. Take part
3. Let it move you
Where are you?
What do you see, smell,
taste, hear, feel?
In the way you can.
Laugh, kiss, cry, eat,
breathe, rest.
Take a chance.
What do you feel in your
body? Release, expansion,
warmth, lightness, depth,
grounding?
↑ Sometimes it finds you first
Examples of aliveness using the 3 Part Model
1. Be present2. Take part3. Let it move you
Moment
1. Be present
2. Take part
3. Let it move you
Looking at an old photo
You find an old photo of a fun moment.
You look closely and remember the day.
You smile at the memory. It feels warm, light and you find yourself shedding a tear of gratitude.
At a concert
You're at a music concert.
You sing and dance, and try not to care what anyone else thinks.
Everything feels looser and freer. The music pulses through your body like electricity.
Meeting a stranger on the bus
You're travelling and a stranger starts chatting to you on the bus.
You join in and swap stories.
Hours pass and you feel warm and connected.
What's missing?
Many people leave the model here.
The trip was amazing, now back to reality.
But hold up, you have a second life?
It was such a great evening, let's do it again sometime.
Absolutely, it's a shame sometime is booked.
I'd love to be doing that.
And why aren't you?
Aliveness is a philosophy, a way to guide you through life. It's also a skill that can be developed. The more aware and open you are, the more natural it can feel, even if it comes easier some days than others.
Over time, whether intentionally or through pure openness, this can become a framework to live by, a lifestyle.
Life has ups and downs, and sometimes it feels like nothing changes at all. In order for the model to support aliveness as a way of living, we need to introduce two additional steps.
Across six studies featuring people's most long-lasting regrets, 72% were about never becoming who they wished they could be.*
To date, Project Aliveness research has recorded a unique expression of aliveness for every person interviewed. Interestingly, many people seem aware of the experiences that move them, and end at step 3.
Noticing what moves us and choosing what to do next are the two additional steps:
Step 4, notice how it felt: pay attention to what it tells you.
Step 5, choose what's next: decide whether to respond, rest or let go.
After a moment of aliveness, without steps 4 and 5, a slump or crash can follow, and we may feel flat, uneasy or overwhelmed. That feeling is worth paying attention to. To move past this, we either leave the cycle or return to it through step 4.
Step 5 is what completes the cycle and allows you to make choices that fit who you truly are and want to be.
1. Be present
Where are you?
2. Take part
What can you do?
3. Let it move you
Feel it in your body
4. Notice how it felt
More, less, or unsure?
5. Choose what's next
Respond, rest or let go
With repetition,
it becomes a way of living
Sometimes it finds you first
Through openness and repetition, aliveness may start to appear in all areas of life. Maybe that morning hot drink tastes extra good today. The sun is shining just a little bit brighter than usual.
And even when the day you planned starts to fall apart, ah... beloved rain. It's OK to be annoyed. Or maybe you embrace it? Dance and splash around in it, or watch it from the window with a hot drink.
However, on days when it rains, your car breaks down and you spill an entire hot drink down yourself, we can all probably agree it's not so easy to embrace. Hard days are OK too.
As I like to say, sometimes life is just lifing.
During periods of overwhelm, Step 4 can help you stay in the cycle. Step 5 can help you decide what to do next with that information.
Like any skill, the more aware and open you are, the more natural it becomes. When you notice what helps aliveness grow, you can move that energy into other parts of your life. The next sections show you how.
You don't always have to find a silver lining; not everything in life is a lesson.
Some moments are for getting through, and that still counts. When you are able to, a hard moment can also be where the cycle starts. Sometimes it finds you, and sometimes you start it with something small, in a way that works for you. What you do next shapes what comes after.
Moment
What happens
What you do with it
In a hospital bed
A visitor unexpectedly makes you laugh. It feels better in your body than you remembered
Let the warmth spread. Stay with it
Overwhelmed
Everything feels like too much
Turn on a favourite song. Tap your fingers or toes and let the beat move through you
After a fight
Angry and shaking
Shout into a pillow, or walk it out. Make a note of what matters
Pain, rest
An evening you look forward to: cosy lights, snacks and blankets
Feel the tension ease a little as you sink into the couch
In this moment, choose one thing, big or small. Then see what happens. Choosing to pause or rest is allowed too. Life is not a race or a destination, so meet each moment as it comes. Notice it, and choose what's next.
When we learn to make room for the highs and lows of life, the limits of the human mind and body, and how everything is so connected, how we see and experience life may change.
As you understand more about who you are and what brings you fulfillment, you can start to repeat the cycle. Notice what moves you, choose what's next, and welcome the path you have chosen, knowing there is a place for you.
Up to this point, the 3 Part Model shows how aliveness happens, and the cycle helps us turn it into a way of living.
Whatever your situation, this Framework makes room for aliveness in all shapes and sizes.
Consider the two examples below: the same person over two days, one making room for aliveness and the other not.
Making room for aliveness
Time
Low-energy day
Higher-energy day
Morning
Wake up tired. Stretch, breathe deeply and feel a little more energized.
Wake up curious about what the day could bring, maybe even excited.
Midday
Knock over a drink and laugh. "It's one of those days. A night-in is probably just what's needed!"
A friend cancels plans, but you go ahead with the plan on your own anyway.
Evening
Put on the movie you've been meaning to watch for months, and feel more rested and restored.
Call someone you love and swap stories about the good, the bad and the ugly. You get it all out and leave feeling lighter.
Not making room for aliveness
Time
Low-energy day
Higher-energy day
Morning
Wake up tired. Snooze alarm 5 times. Late to work.
Wake up and your first thought is: "What are the 10 things I need to do today?"
Midday
Knock over a drink and feel frustrated, "It's one of those days." In a bad mood and want to go home.
A friend cancels plans, so you stay home because there's nothing else planned.
Evening
Scroll, have a drink or switch off, and wait for the day to end. Stay up late, unable to sleep.
Call someone you love but you've been home all day and wish you'd gone out. It doesn't hit the same.
6. The movementWe can be moved by hard feelings too.
Once aliveness is part of your life, how you see the world may start to change. Anger might highlight a boundary crossed, sadness might show you what you care about, and jealousy might reflect what you want for your own life. Aliveness can be found in the hard feelings too. Below are two examples of a hard feeling moving through you.
Frustration
BeforeYou're frustrated your car broke down.
Be present and take partYou Uber to the restaurant and share the story with friends. They find it funny and you can't help but laugh too.
Let it move youYour tight chest eases, your shoulders and jaw relax, and you feel lighter.
Notice how it feltYou're feeling calm and clearheaded. Doing something fun helped you release some of the frustration.
Choose what's nextYou decide how to deal with the car. You realize stepping away and redirecting that frustration positively made everything smoother.
Sadness
BeforeYou're sad after someone let you down.
Be present and take partYou're on the yoga mat for deep breathing and stretching.
Let it move youYou breathe the sadness through your body. Your chest softens, you shed a tear, and you feel lighter, grounded.
Notice how it feltYou feel grateful you looked after yourself. Being in your body felt good, and you want more of that.
Choose what's nextPrioritize rest and comfort. It might take a while, but you trust yourself to move through it.
But I hear you, if there's no destination, what's the point? What do you actually want? Those peak moments told you something about you. Those moments won't all look the same, and that's the point.
Every person has their own journey in life. As you welcome the new parts, it's also important to make room for releasing the old. The more you see that you have a say in your choices and in how you respond to the world, the more vibrant your life may become.
7. The bigger pictureA different perspective.
Imagine the ocean as life and every boat as a person. Waves are created from nature and from other boats. The water can be calm and clear, and other times rough and painful.
We can't control the waves or the weather. We can influence how we prepare our boat, fuel our engine, who we sail alongside, when we rest, and which direction we head. When the wind helps, let it carry you. When it doesn't, rest, change course or let go.
Rough water can mean you are in the wrong place, but as your life fits you better, the water gets calmer. Aliveness is available anywhere on the ocean, and there is no port to reach. The journey is the point.
The ocean of life
Sails: your openness
Wind: the weather life brings
You (your boat)
You steer
Engine: your own power
Fuel: your body and energy
Anchor
Rest counts
Other people
We meet along the way
Waves: made by us, other people and nature
Rougher patch
Calmer patch
Rougher patch
Calmer patch
No port to reach
Aliveness is available anywhere.
The same wave can feel different depending on how you feel in the moment. Sometimes you're pulled towards what's familiar, even when it hurts. Sometimes fear or shame is steering for you, or stops you from choosing at all. Sometimes a path surprises you, and that tells you something you can use to steer.
A freak wave is not a choice. Other boats make waves too, often without meaning to. One honk can put someone in a bad mood all day, and that mood travels to the next person. So can a smile. Some people support your growth, others leave damage, and sometimes we are that boat, so stay mindful of your impact.
There are days where you drop anchor and rest. You may be barely staying afloat, or feel nothing. All of it counts, because the point is to work with where you are in the moment.
Things to remember
1
Look after your boat
Learn what your boat needs.
Fuel, rest, repairs, upgrades.
2
Work with the waves and weather
Stay open to what life brings.
You can't exist apart from nature or people.
3
Take part and steer
You steer your boat, not anyone else's.
A small turn counts.
4
Notice, then choose
If something moves you, notice how it felt, then choose what's next: lean in or away.
When you look back, you may notice your boat used to look different. So did the water. Nothing is permanent; be compassionate to the different versions of you. Steer towards what brings you fulfillment and you may start to feel alive.
* Davidai, S., & Gilovich, T. (2018). The ideal road not taken: The self-discrepancies involved in people's most enduring regrets. Emotion. https://doi.org/10.1037/emo0000326↑
